Sleepless Nights

Don`t you just hate it when you can`t fall asleep? I know I do. Lately I haven`t been getting the sleep that I`ve been needing. At points...I don't mind it at all. Nighttime is peaceful to me, everyone is asleep an you feel like the world is all to yourself. Some nice personal time, no one bothers you, no annoying texts from people, just decent solitary time.

That`s something I`m really going to miss about summer. Make art, watch movies, relax, and nighttime.

The quietness just lets you think about...whatever it is you want. It`s soothing that`s how I look at it. Most people get scared, creeped out, paranoid of the dark. But me? I welcome it, to a extent that is. Jeez this makes me so sure I`m going to miss summer. I`m not ready to juggle everything with school and deal with people. Sadly, that's life.

I think its just the school I go to, everyone has to impress everyone. Be someone, act like a someone, but they`re not. Maybe that's what gets be a little aggravated at times. Just..people want to be fake. Oh well. It`s not THAT bad, I think it just depends on who you are as an individual. I don't let a bunch of people, even one for that matter, bother me. If a day comes that's bad, it was just a bad day not a bad life.

Some people need to learn that.

I guess that's highschool then, learning how to deal with others, and others trying to figure out who they are while you are all at the same time. But maybe that`s what makes me so different, I feel like my mindset is just so different. I talk different, I think different, I even react differently.

It makes it funny! Whenever people try to make fun of you just shrug it off. Nothing but a group of dumbasses anyway.

Even with school coming soon, I have a lot to look forward to. Friends, ceramics (can NOT wait for that class), and cross country. You just need to find your friends and what YOU love doing. And some people...just cant even figure that out! If you let one person or one environment ruin your while day you ruin your whole week, and when you ruin your whole week it can up to a month or even years.

I`m not going to lie, it took my years to figure that out. Perhaps my summer was my peaking point. I am not the same person when school was let out then up to entering my Junior year. (damn...already a junior!) I feel like I`ve found myself and who my friends are. Hell...being in a two week pre-college program made me understand why they say college friends stay with you forever. Not only that, I feel I've made some inner peace with myself...I`ve felt like that for awhile actually but now. It`s stronger.

I`ve messed up a lot in my life so far, but I`ve learned (it was hard) to let things go. And for those out there who have people that just love to bring up the past to start a fight. Don`t go with it. If you're like me, you hate talking about the past. You like to look forward  and see positivity around you. Yeah..I know what you`re thinking. How is that possible with a life like mine? Well...I cant give you any answers...that's answer is or you and for you only. I`ve found mine.

And for those out there who may be depressed and cut, have suicidal thoughts. I don't care what people say or what you say. You end your life in  time of grief and sadness, you cant change anything or do anything to make it better when the memories follow you into the afterlife. It eliminates any chance of things getting better for you and people around you. There is always a better solution...trust me...I've been there. Its a vicious cycle.

Damn, it always has to be sleepless nights like this that love to get me to ramble. But it feels good.